I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
