oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
