Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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