My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
