I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think my fart just growled at me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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