You really coming over, don't trick.
dude i'm inner monologue high
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
