you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
