I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
