Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The power of my boobs compel you
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
