whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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