She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
