He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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