new low.... made out with someone while peeing
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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