think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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