You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize