How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
