I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drake has all the answers
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
