we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's the barista slut.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
