pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
