More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
