I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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