my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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