I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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