I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
