did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How does it feel to date your dad?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
