My cat gives me a boner
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
