Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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