a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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