oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
