I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
