We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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