3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
