It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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