Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize