had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize