he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
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My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
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Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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