he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
