You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
