so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
