got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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