I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
