??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
