we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
