If that was your dad, he is hot
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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