His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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