i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
