I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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