I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
