Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
