i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
