I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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