Sponge bath it is.
honey bunches of taint.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
