JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
