it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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