the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
